Top Ten: Things my Stepmom is Missing

It's hard for me to deal with, but my dad and stepmom are getting a divorce. My stepmom first told me that she would never push me away, that even without my dad in the picture, I was still considered to be her daughter and she looked forward to seeing her grandkids (my little boys). But over the past few months, things have changed... and I'm not sure we can ever go back again. I love my stepmom, I have a lot of really fond memories with her, but sadly, the woman she is at this exact moment in time is not the woman that raised me. This woman has blocked me from facebook, this woman no longer listens to my problems and offers advice, this woman doesnt even seem to care about me anymore. I miss my REAL stepmom, and I wish that part of her would come back. But I have a feeling that part of her has been gone for a very long time. This list is the top ten things that I feel my stepmom is missing out on. I wish I could share them with her, but it's beyond my control.

1. I want her to be a part of my life. But right now it seems like the only friends she wants around her are the other "man haters," so to speak, and that's understandable. Every woman goes through that stage after a difficult breakup. I know I did whenever I went through that, and I imagine its much worse with a divorce.

2. She has blocked me on facebook, for no reason. That is not understandable. I am her daughter, and a mother should NEVER block their children. Facebook is the only way I have to connect with my family, since I live over a thousand miles away from them.

3. I want her to see my children grow up. I want her to see my boys at least every other year, and be able to hold them and let them know who she is.

4. I try to make sure my plans to visit go through, but if other people change their plans at the last minute, that messes up my plans, so it makes it very difficult. My husband and I are doing pretty good in life, but we still have to budget and move money around when it comes to paying for me to visit my family. But I still try.

5. I want her to see pictures of my boys as often as possible. This way, she will be able to feel like she is watching them grow up, even if she only gets to see them for a week every two years.

6. I post pictures of my babies all the time to Facebook. But how can she see them? If I am off of her Facebook, then by default she is off of mine. My profile is set to private; she can't see my photos. Unless she goes onto my sister's account to see them, but that seems like it would be too much work. So she most likely is missing out on all the adorable pictures of my baby boys. And they are growing up fast.

7. I want to be able to talk to her like we used to. I want to tell her about my day, and I want to ask for her advice. I want to know what she thinks, and I want to just have conversations with her, about anything at all.

8. Unfortunately, getting ahold of her can be difficult. Ever since I joined the Navy and left home, there have been times when I tried to connect to her. But when I called her phone, she would never answer. When I texted her, she would never reply. After a while, I just gave up. I felt like she just didnt want to talk to me at all. The only feedback I got from her was through my sisters or my dad, and even that only seems to have happened whenever I was planning to come visit. And now it seems the only way she wants to have any conversations with anyone at all are through email or facebook. As I've said, it cant be through Facebook now because she took me off of it. It seems as if she doesnt want to say anything to anyone unless it's in writing for divorce court. I wish she would understand that I'm not looking for a conversation that any court would be interested in. I want to say hi, how are you? I want to ask if she's seen this new movie, or if she read this book I heard about. I want to tell her what my boys did this week, and how fast they are growing up. I want to laugh with her, and cry with her, over my experiences with motherhood, and I want to hear about her experiences as well.

9. I most especially was looking forward to this fall; I had planned to surprise my stepmom. My sister is staying with me for the summer, and originally the plan was that she would stay at least until her birthday in October. Maybe longer, but we had at least that long. My husband and I were looking into flying my sister back, and I would go with her and bring BOTH of my boys with me. I was going to stay for (hopefully) 2 full weeks.

10. At the last minute, my stepmom changed the plans. My sister now has to be back by August. My time with my sister has been drastically cut short, and all of our summer plans are practically ruined. The majority of our money this summer is being saved for a family vacation to a National Park in Kentucky, then to my mom's house in North Carolina. We had planned on bringing my sister with us, and have already looked at reservations for renting a cabin. Once we were back from our September vacation, we were going to save the money to fly to Florida. It would cost for my sister's one way ticket, a round trip ticket for my 2 year old, and a round trip ticket for myself, and I would carry my then-6-month-old on the plane. As you can imagine, this would not be cheap. Not to mention, each suitcase costs about $25 to fly. My sister has about three, and I would bring at least one, if not two. Not cheap indeed. We can get my sister home by August, however, if that is how it has to be. But there is NO way I will be able to bring both boys. If my sister is old enough, we will most likely see about flying her back alone. If she can't fly alone, then we will move around some money and cut back on a few things so that I can fly with her. I am breastfeeding my youngest, so he will have to fly with me (which is fine, he can be carried on the plane). But my husband would have to drop us off and pick me up from the airport, and his vacation time at work has already been planned out, so he can't take off any more days. And if my 2 year old can't come with me, someone would have to watch him while my husband was at work during the week. There is no one available; so I can't be gone during a week. That means that my sister and I (with my youngest) would fly into Florida very late on a Friday evening, and my entire family would have only one day to see my little baby before I would to fly back to Texas first thing Sunday morning. One day. Just ONE day with my family, and only one of my boys. I wish my sister could stay longer again, like originally planned. Then the two weeks I was going to spend in Florida with BOTH of my baby boys could still happen. :(

I miss you, Lisa. The real you. I wish you would see how much it hurts me not to have you in my life. No matter what, I love you and I always will. I hoped that you would always love me as well, but I must have done something wrong, because you don't love me anymore. Whatever I did, I am sorry. The way things are going now, you are missing out on your grandkids, and they are never going to know one of the greatest women I knew, and I dont want them to miss out as well. But at this point, there is nothing I can do. If you really love me and my boys, then PLEASE let my sister stay out here past August, so I can have the money to bring my boys to your house and so you can spend time with them. :'(