I spent the last few days (and foresee myself spending this weekend as well) uploading pictures to Facebook. I'm talking about massive amounts of pictures... everything I have on my computer.
Alright, so I skipped a few. But I'm still putting up a *bazillion* photos. Photos of my kids, my sister's visit, our vacation in Colorado, my animals, random pictures from 2009-2010, pictures from 2011, my son's birthday, Christmas, some random videos... Pretty much all the pictures that I kept promising my family members that I would send or post, but never got around to it.
Well the last few days were dedicated to putting up all the pictures from before the kids were in our lives. Anything prior to 2009. That includes me and hubby in our Navy life, and our trips to National Parks, and even visiting our families. As I've been going through these pictures, I feel kind of silly-- every time I look at a picture I think to myself, "where were the kids for this one?" Then, "oh, right, we didn't have them yet." It seems so weird, to have memories at all without my kids. I can look at a picture and remember exactly how things went that day, but my mind doesn't seem to be able to make the connection as to how life went back then. It just doesn't seem to be life at all without my kids.
It just feels like I went from Childhood to Motherhood. Like the entire point of me joining the Navy had nothing to do with a potential career path, and everything to do with meeting my hubby and starting a family. It was the only good thing I really got out of my time in the Navy anyways (besides learning how to iron, and how to survive long periods of time on little-to-no sleep). Not that I'm complaining; I'm very happy with how my life has turned out. I just keep wondering how I ever got through life without my kids. But I suppose all parents feel this way, right? What am I ever going to do the day my youngest child is all grown up and moving out of the house...?! Good thing I have the next 17 years (at the very least) to think about it.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Tornadoes
I hate tornadoes.
Let me rephrase. I REALLY hate tornadoes.
The truth is, I'm terrified of them. I've never been through one in my life, and I'd rather not go through one anytime soon. Or ever, for that matter. The other night I came all too close for my liking, and I hate how I am when I'm scared. I'm overprotective and paranoid, and obsessive and stressed. I'll tell you how things went the other night; you can see for yourself exactly what I'm talking about. Of course, I'll go into much more detail than necessary, but you should be used to that by now. It's my story, I'll tell it how I want to. [insert maniacal laughter here.]
Monday afternoon, my husband comes home from work and tells me that it's supposed to rain this week, and that it might be a good idea to get a big stack of dry firewood in the house. Absentminded as I am, I forgot to get the wood, so Tuesday morning I woke up to an overcast sky, which put me into overdrive; I jumped out of bed, threw on some jeans and a light jacket, and began taking trips from the woodpile to the house. It began sprinkling just as I was tossing the last few logs onto the porch. And so the storm began.
This was a welcome storm at first, and it was coming down slow and steady, moderately heavy but non threatening. It stayed that way throughout the afternoon and into the evening. My mind didn't go back to the weather until after we had gone to bed. Not that going to bed was easy Tuesday night... for some reason it seemed everything wanted to be difficult. Hubby had to be at work an hour earlier, so we had to adjust the coffee pot and the alarm clocks. Neither of the boys wanted to go to bed, so we had to have one settle down in our bed and I had to rock the other one in my rocking chair for almost 15 minutes before he was calm enough to lay him back in his crib. Just as I was finally able to crawl into bed, I started to hear the thunder rolling in the distance.
I woke up around 3:15am to the dog barking. She does this on occasion, nothing out of the ordinary. As usual, I go to the front door, step outside, and give her a scoop of food to calm her down. As usual, it works. But by this time I was awake enough to notice my surroundings; which means the fact that it was pouring down rain and the sky was almost consistently lit up by flashes of lightning. The wind was blowing hard enough that you could hear the windows shaking. It was like the Old Gods were throwing a party, with a disco ball and a booming bass beat.
This is where my mind starts to work on it's own. It's 3:30am. I turn on the TV, flip over to the weather channel, watch and wait for the next live weather update. If the storm is exceptionally bad, there is always a weatherman that will stay in the studio overnight to keep track of things. I could see on the radar that it was a humongous storm system. You know how they use colors to show you the severity of the storm? From light to heavy, they use light green, dark green, yellow, orange, red, maroon... the entire screen, all of Central Texas, was mostly orange, with yellow around it and way too much red and spots of maroon in the center. It put my mind slightly at ease to see that there were no red warnings flashing across the bottom of the screen, and when the "live update" came on, it was obviously not live, but instead simply replayed from whenever it had been filmed a few hours earlier. What put me into panic mode was that apparently our county DID have a weather alert; TORNADO WATCH.
I have to take a break for a second here to talk about the difference between a watch and a warning. Not everyone knows the difference. A watch means that conditions are favorable for that particular weather pattern (be it for tornadoes, flooding, etc.); if you are under a watch, start preparing yourself in case it becomes a reality, and keep yourself informed of any new updates. A warning means that it is happening, possibly even already been sighted, and to take shelter immediately.
So I spent the next few hours glued to the TV. Constantly praying for a new update, and watching the clock for the end of the Tornado Watch. Nothing I did could take my mind off of what would happen if we did get a tornado. I started thinking about what would need to be done, all the things we would need to grab to take into our shelter. We have a round metal building in the yard beside the house that is our best bet for safety should a twister head our way. I started thinking about my boys, and what I would need to do to get them out there. What I would need to be wearing (which is why at 4:00am I was in jeans and a jacket), all the things I would need to grab and where they are, what I would need to do depending on if my husband was home at the time... Just so many things running through my head.
At about 5:00am I went back into the bedroom and laid down, to take advantage of being in bed next to my husband and son before hubby's alarm went off. Within the next half hour both hubby and I were in the living room, him ready to go to work and me sitting on the couch with the television remote in my hands, wishing he wouldn't leave. Of course, he grew up with this kind of weather being the norm, so he wasn't worried at all. He kissed me good bye, and drove off into the pouring rain and thunder. So naturally I became twice as scared. Now, not only was my husband out driving in this, with the roads more than likely flooding, but I was home alone, 2 miles from the nearest people I knew, with a tornado watch in my area and two small children asleep, depending on me to keep them safe.
At around 6:10am or so, in the middle of a live weather update, our county and the one below us got a tornado warning. The weather woman immediately stopped her forecast and went to her computer so she could better see what was going on, and was keeping us completely updated second by second. There was some serious rotation going on just south of our county on the east side and quickly moving up. We were in a tornado watch for another 20 minutes, and I don't think I was breathing for the entire thing. I watched it slowly get tracked up the map, heading toward Marlin... directly in the path my husband would be heading to get to his jobsite. I sent him a text message letting him know that we were under a warning, it was quickly headed that direction, and that I was terrified.
He texted me back telling me to calm down, then called a few minutes later. He reminded me that I knew exactly what to do if I had to, and that he would be fine. Just hearing his voice made me feel better. We got off the phone, and a few minutes later the rotation disappeared off the map. A few minutes after that, the tornado warning expired for the county and everything seemed to brighten up. I texted the hubby back to tell him the good news, then I started to calm down. The storm was moving out of the area quickly, and I only had to get through another 4 hours before all of the warnings and watches would be over. By 8:00am Wednesday morning, as the sun began to rise, the rain grew softer and the thunder and lightning were gone. Hubby called me again and we spoke for a few minutes, and just as I was hanging up my oldest son came walking out of the bedroom crying because he had woken up alone.
I smiled at him, walked him back to bed, and laid down beside him. The sun was up, and I was exhausted, but we were all safe and sound.
I know this was a long story. A long way of saying, "There was a tornado warning in my county the other night, and a rotation passed just to the east of us." But it felt like so much more than that to me. Anyone who is forced to face their fears (or very close to it) knows how I felt.
This experience taught me two things. The first is that I am WAY too paranoid. Just because I happened to be up and watching the weather when we got the tornado warning is no excuse, nor does it make up for my obsessiveness. I do this EVERY time there is a major storm system, and very rarely do they have a chance to produce tornadoes. I need to learn to calm down and think more logically about the situation I'm in. If there is nothing I can do to change or affect something, there is no reason to worry about it. I know exactly what to do in case of an emergency and I have already had a major event in the last year that has tested my ability to think through a crisis (when my 2 year old was bit by a copperhead).
The second thing this taught me was to appreciate what I have. It's true; the grass IS greener on the other side. On the other side of hard times and bad experiences. We get so used to what we have, that it becomes too casual; we take things for granted. But once you go through something that truly scares you or tests you, you wake up the next morning not only with a sense of accomplishment but everything is brighter, everything makes you smile. You never knew a glass of water could taste so good, you know? That's how I felt.
Although, I would still prefer not to have to go through another tornado scare... it was just too close. And I HATE tornadoes...
Let me rephrase. I REALLY hate tornadoes.
The truth is, I'm terrified of them. I've never been through one in my life, and I'd rather not go through one anytime soon. Or ever, for that matter. The other night I came all too close for my liking, and I hate how I am when I'm scared. I'm overprotective and paranoid, and obsessive and stressed. I'll tell you how things went the other night; you can see for yourself exactly what I'm talking about. Of course, I'll go into much more detail than necessary, but you should be used to that by now. It's my story, I'll tell it how I want to. [insert maniacal laughter here.]
Monday afternoon, my husband comes home from work and tells me that it's supposed to rain this week, and that it might be a good idea to get a big stack of dry firewood in the house. Absentminded as I am, I forgot to get the wood, so Tuesday morning I woke up to an overcast sky, which put me into overdrive; I jumped out of bed, threw on some jeans and a light jacket, and began taking trips from the woodpile to the house. It began sprinkling just as I was tossing the last few logs onto the porch. And so the storm began.
This was a welcome storm at first, and it was coming down slow and steady, moderately heavy but non threatening. It stayed that way throughout the afternoon and into the evening. My mind didn't go back to the weather until after we had gone to bed. Not that going to bed was easy Tuesday night... for some reason it seemed everything wanted to be difficult. Hubby had to be at work an hour earlier, so we had to adjust the coffee pot and the alarm clocks. Neither of the boys wanted to go to bed, so we had to have one settle down in our bed and I had to rock the other one in my rocking chair for almost 15 minutes before he was calm enough to lay him back in his crib. Just as I was finally able to crawl into bed, I started to hear the thunder rolling in the distance.
I woke up around 3:15am to the dog barking. She does this on occasion, nothing out of the ordinary. As usual, I go to the front door, step outside, and give her a scoop of food to calm her down. As usual, it works. But by this time I was awake enough to notice my surroundings; which means the fact that it was pouring down rain and the sky was almost consistently lit up by flashes of lightning. The wind was blowing hard enough that you could hear the windows shaking. It was like the Old Gods were throwing a party, with a disco ball and a booming bass beat.
This is where my mind starts to work on it's own. It's 3:30am. I turn on the TV, flip over to the weather channel, watch and wait for the next live weather update. If the storm is exceptionally bad, there is always a weatherman that will stay in the studio overnight to keep track of things. I could see on the radar that it was a humongous storm system. You know how they use colors to show you the severity of the storm? From light to heavy, they use light green, dark green, yellow, orange, red, maroon... the entire screen, all of Central Texas, was mostly orange, with yellow around it and way too much red and spots of maroon in the center. It put my mind slightly at ease to see that there were no red warnings flashing across the bottom of the screen, and when the "live update" came on, it was obviously not live, but instead simply replayed from whenever it had been filmed a few hours earlier. What put me into panic mode was that apparently our county DID have a weather alert; TORNADO WATCH.
I have to take a break for a second here to talk about the difference between a watch and a warning. Not everyone knows the difference. A watch means that conditions are favorable for that particular weather pattern (be it for tornadoes, flooding, etc.); if you are under a watch, start preparing yourself in case it becomes a reality, and keep yourself informed of any new updates. A warning means that it is happening, possibly even already been sighted, and to take shelter immediately.
So I spent the next few hours glued to the TV. Constantly praying for a new update, and watching the clock for the end of the Tornado Watch. Nothing I did could take my mind off of what would happen if we did get a tornado. I started thinking about what would need to be done, all the things we would need to grab to take into our shelter. We have a round metal building in the yard beside the house that is our best bet for safety should a twister head our way. I started thinking about my boys, and what I would need to do to get them out there. What I would need to be wearing (which is why at 4:00am I was in jeans and a jacket), all the things I would need to grab and where they are, what I would need to do depending on if my husband was home at the time... Just so many things running through my head.
At about 5:00am I went back into the bedroom and laid down, to take advantage of being in bed next to my husband and son before hubby's alarm went off. Within the next half hour both hubby and I were in the living room, him ready to go to work and me sitting on the couch with the television remote in my hands, wishing he wouldn't leave. Of course, he grew up with this kind of weather being the norm, so he wasn't worried at all. He kissed me good bye, and drove off into the pouring rain and thunder. So naturally I became twice as scared. Now, not only was my husband out driving in this, with the roads more than likely flooding, but I was home alone, 2 miles from the nearest people I knew, with a tornado watch in my area and two small children asleep, depending on me to keep them safe.
At around 6:10am or so, in the middle of a live weather update, our county and the one below us got a tornado warning. The weather woman immediately stopped her forecast and went to her computer so she could better see what was going on, and was keeping us completely updated second by second. There was some serious rotation going on just south of our county on the east side and quickly moving up. We were in a tornado watch for another 20 minutes, and I don't think I was breathing for the entire thing. I watched it slowly get tracked up the map, heading toward Marlin... directly in the path my husband would be heading to get to his jobsite. I sent him a text message letting him know that we were under a warning, it was quickly headed that direction, and that I was terrified.
He texted me back telling me to calm down, then called a few minutes later. He reminded me that I knew exactly what to do if I had to, and that he would be fine. Just hearing his voice made me feel better. We got off the phone, and a few minutes later the rotation disappeared off the map. A few minutes after that, the tornado warning expired for the county and everything seemed to brighten up. I texted the hubby back to tell him the good news, then I started to calm down. The storm was moving out of the area quickly, and I only had to get through another 4 hours before all of the warnings and watches would be over. By 8:00am Wednesday morning, as the sun began to rise, the rain grew softer and the thunder and lightning were gone. Hubby called me again and we spoke for a few minutes, and just as I was hanging up my oldest son came walking out of the bedroom crying because he had woken up alone.
I smiled at him, walked him back to bed, and laid down beside him. The sun was up, and I was exhausted, but we were all safe and sound.
I know this was a long story. A long way of saying, "There was a tornado warning in my county the other night, and a rotation passed just to the east of us." But it felt like so much more than that to me. Anyone who is forced to face their fears (or very close to it) knows how I felt.
This experience taught me two things. The first is that I am WAY too paranoid. Just because I happened to be up and watching the weather when we got the tornado warning is no excuse, nor does it make up for my obsessiveness. I do this EVERY time there is a major storm system, and very rarely do they have a chance to produce tornadoes. I need to learn to calm down and think more logically about the situation I'm in. If there is nothing I can do to change or affect something, there is no reason to worry about it. I know exactly what to do in case of an emergency and I have already had a major event in the last year that has tested my ability to think through a crisis (when my 2 year old was bit by a copperhead).
The second thing this taught me was to appreciate what I have. It's true; the grass IS greener on the other side. On the other side of hard times and bad experiences. We get so used to what we have, that it becomes too casual; we take things for granted. But once you go through something that truly scares you or tests you, you wake up the next morning not only with a sense of accomplishment but everything is brighter, everything makes you smile. You never knew a glass of water could taste so good, you know? That's how I felt.
Although, I would still prefer not to have to go through another tornado scare... it was just too close. And I HATE tornadoes...
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Pregnancy and Emotions (Even When They Are Not Mine)
Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. It's also a horrifying thing. It's exciting and scary. It's joyful and depressing. It's more irony than anything, although you don't always think about that when you are experiencing it.
My cousin recently found out that she is pregnant with her second child. It's a blessed thing, from a motherly point of view. From the viewpoint of a woman herself, it's a slight let-down, especially if your children are close in age. That means a much longer period of time that you have to watch what you put in your body, monitor the amount of physical activity you do and make sure you don't overstress yourself. It might have a happy ending, and it might have good points along the way, but when you have already been through pregnancy once, finding out you are pregnant again only forces you to take a good long look down the road ahead, and see all the bad experiences you will be forced to relive over the next 40 weeks.
I went through something very close to what my cousin is. I can honestly say, "I feel your pain." I went through 38 weeks of pregnancy with my first son, a full year of breastfeeding (which keeps you under many of the same restrictions as pregnancy, in terms of what you put in your body), then within 2 months of weening my son I discovered I was pregnant again. My second pregnancy lasted just over 39 weeks, and I breastfed him for 4 months. (As much as I was glad to be free of the "pregnancy restrictions", I was disappointed that he didn't seem to take to breastfeeding the way his older brother had.) All in all, I was under the "pregnancy restrictions," as I put it, for roughly 36 months... that's 3 entire years. Three years of feeling as if I was pregnant. There are plenty of women out there who know all too well what that feels like, and the mix of emotions that accompany those years.
Well, my cousin and I were having a discussion on facebook about all of this. The emotions you have when you are pregnant, especially after just having a child less than a year ago. The conversation turned to how pregnancy was designed "to make you hate life and love it sporadically at the same time." And in many ways, that is completely true. As I started to think about it, and type my response, I thought that perhaps I should be posting my opinion in my blog rather than just as a comment to a facebook post. Everyone has their own views on this, but here's mine. It's basically the same thing I posted in the comment, just modified slightly and elaborated upon.
I don't think pregnancy was really designed with our emotions in mind.
I think it was designed specifically knowing that our bodies had the knowledge, power, and sheer force of will to act as a workshop, to craft new life. Sure, it has it's side effects... some good, some bad. When you are pregnant, you have great hair; thick and full and shiny-- and easier to fall into your face and end up getting splattered with vomit during a bout of morning sickness. You have bad teeth; easily susceptible to cavities and sensitive gums that are more likely to bleed-- of course, that's not too bad considering you barely eat in the first trimester anyways (once again thanks to nausea). You have a gorgeous glow that seems to surround you for the entire pregnancy-- and yet a huge protruding stomach, forcing you out of your normal clothing and into "stretchy" or "flowing" outfits, making you feel much less "beautiful" as everyone tells you that you are.
Our emotions are what get in the way of pregnancy being as beautiful of a thing as it's supposed to be. It's all about NEW LIFE. A child exists in this world because of you; and that child would not exist if it wasn't for your body doing something absolutely incredible, creating a miracle, doing something that only a woman can ever experience.
It's so overwhelming, that once again emotions could not have been planned on when we were given the ability to reproduce. I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to go through it twice, and I hope I have the chance to have at least one more child... but I'm not looking forward to it at all. But hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. I just want to take some time to myself, enjoy my Coca-Cola every morning with breakfast, and revel in my vacation from pregnancy. (Maybe take a few minutes of each day to laugh at my cousin? Hehe. Only because I've been there... I wouldn't laugh if I hadn't already served my time being pregnant. And my cousin knows how much I love her, anyways.)
No matter what pregnancy was made for, or what factors nature took into account when we were given the ability, it's worth it in the end. Even when it drives you insane and keeps you up all night, half-asleep on the bathroom floor, it's worth it. And despite all the downfalls, I do look forward to going through it once more; because when I walk down that road again, it will be for the last time. =)
My cousin recently found out that she is pregnant with her second child. It's a blessed thing, from a motherly point of view. From the viewpoint of a woman herself, it's a slight let-down, especially if your children are close in age. That means a much longer period of time that you have to watch what you put in your body, monitor the amount of physical activity you do and make sure you don't overstress yourself. It might have a happy ending, and it might have good points along the way, but when you have already been through pregnancy once, finding out you are pregnant again only forces you to take a good long look down the road ahead, and see all the bad experiences you will be forced to relive over the next 40 weeks.
I went through something very close to what my cousin is. I can honestly say, "I feel your pain." I went through 38 weeks of pregnancy with my first son, a full year of breastfeeding (which keeps you under many of the same restrictions as pregnancy, in terms of what you put in your body), then within 2 months of weening my son I discovered I was pregnant again. My second pregnancy lasted just over 39 weeks, and I breastfed him for 4 months. (As much as I was glad to be free of the "pregnancy restrictions", I was disappointed that he didn't seem to take to breastfeeding the way his older brother had.) All in all, I was under the "pregnancy restrictions," as I put it, for roughly 36 months... that's 3 entire years. Three years of feeling as if I was pregnant. There are plenty of women out there who know all too well what that feels like, and the mix of emotions that accompany those years.
Well, my cousin and I were having a discussion on facebook about all of this. The emotions you have when you are pregnant, especially after just having a child less than a year ago. The conversation turned to how pregnancy was designed "to make you hate life and love it sporadically at the same time." And in many ways, that is completely true. As I started to think about it, and type my response, I thought that perhaps I should be posting my opinion in my blog rather than just as a comment to a facebook post. Everyone has their own views on this, but here's mine. It's basically the same thing I posted in the comment, just modified slightly and elaborated upon.
I don't think pregnancy was really designed with our emotions in mind.
I think it was designed specifically knowing that our bodies had the knowledge, power, and sheer force of will to act as a workshop, to craft new life. Sure, it has it's side effects... some good, some bad. When you are pregnant, you have great hair; thick and full and shiny-- and easier to fall into your face and end up getting splattered with vomit during a bout of morning sickness. You have bad teeth; easily susceptible to cavities and sensitive gums that are more likely to bleed-- of course, that's not too bad considering you barely eat in the first trimester anyways (once again thanks to nausea). You have a gorgeous glow that seems to surround you for the entire pregnancy-- and yet a huge protruding stomach, forcing you out of your normal clothing and into "stretchy" or "flowing" outfits, making you feel much less "beautiful" as everyone tells you that you are.
Our emotions are what get in the way of pregnancy being as beautiful of a thing as it's supposed to be. It's all about NEW LIFE. A child exists in this world because of you; and that child would not exist if it wasn't for your body doing something absolutely incredible, creating a miracle, doing something that only a woman can ever experience.
It's so overwhelming, that once again emotions could not have been planned on when we were given the ability to reproduce. I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to go through it twice, and I hope I have the chance to have at least one more child... but I'm not looking forward to it at all. But hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. I just want to take some time to myself, enjoy my Coca-Cola every morning with breakfast, and revel in my vacation from pregnancy. (Maybe take a few minutes of each day to laugh at my cousin? Hehe. Only because I've been there... I wouldn't laugh if I hadn't already served my time being pregnant. And my cousin knows how much I love her, anyways.)
No matter what pregnancy was made for, or what factors nature took into account when we were given the ability, it's worth it in the end. Even when it drives you insane and keeps you up all night, half-asleep on the bathroom floor, it's worth it. And despite all the downfalls, I do look forward to going through it once more; because when I walk down that road again, it will be for the last time. =)
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Top Ten: Childhood Dreams that Came True
Kids always have dreams of how they wish their lives would turn out. What they want to be when they grow up, things they want to have, places they want to go... A friend of mine recently was having a bad day, and began ranting about all the things they always wanted that life never gave them... how "unfair" things always were to them. I don't think they realize just how many things they DO have in life. I started thinking about it, and came to the conclusion that we all end up getting what we need, though not always what we want, and not in the way we think we'll get it. So as a creative thinking exercise (and with my brain in desperate need of a workout) I started brainstorming on the Top Ten things I wanted as a child, that I actually got. Here's what I've come up with.
1. Motherhood. Just to be a mommy. I used to watch my mom (and later, my stepmom as well) taking care of my younger siblings, and it just looked so much fun to get to feed a baby, and change them, and dress them, and play with them, and push them around in a stroller, and... well, you see where I'm going with this. I have two beautiful boys, and although its not all fun-and-games the way I had imagined (how did I ever WANT to change a diaper?!) motherhood is the most rewarding thing I've ever had, and I am so proud to be a mommy.
2. Love. I wanted to meet someone and have that "love at first sight." I wanted someone to love me, despite my flaws. I wanted to get married and start a life together with the man of my dreams. And I got it all. I met my husband, and fell in love with him the moment I laid eyes on him. He loves me, and doesn't even see the "flaws" I claim to have. We have been married for six years (this April).
3. Stay-at-home career. Most kids dream of not having to work at all. Just being rich and staying home all the time. I dreamed about staying home, but only because I wanted to be just like my mothers were. I wanted to be a stay at home mom and housewife. It's an under-appreciated career field, and monetarily it's also an underpaid one, but from a sentimental standpoint, it's the best job available. I get to have my house exactly the way I want it, I get to raise my kids myself and not have to worry about what goes on in a daycare, and -- best of all -- I'm the boss! I get paid in dirty diapers, toys underfoot, DVDs strewn across the living room, clean dishes back in the sink, dog food in my cup of tea, and twenty dollars worth of missing pacifiers that couldn't be found with an entire search party. Yet somehow, I can honestly tell you that this is the most rewarding job in the world, and I love it.
4. Living in the Country. I grew up in a city life. Not the kind of big-time city, with skyscrapers and close-knit apartment buildings and taxis everywhere, but the kind with neighborhoods and 600-student high school graduating classes, where the most exotic pet was a gecko, or the chickens the neighbor kept in his yard. I wanted wide open spaces, with green fields, farm animals, tractors, dirt roads, and people on horseback. Life threw me right into the arms of a country cowboy, and we're 30 minutes from the nearest Wal-Mart or McDonald's, living off a gravel road with wide open spaces, complete with natural wildlife. It's beautiful.
5. Animals. I loved thinking about having all sorts of random animals. I wanted a monkey, a milk cow, a cockatoo, a horse... I'm sure there were some other exotic animals I wanted as well. I haven't had a monkey (and I doubt I ever will), but a cockatoo has been considered as an animal we would like to have one day, when the kids are a bit older. Apart from that, we have had it all. Goats, pheasants, peacocks, guineas, chickens, cows, horses, a llama, dogs, cats, lizards, tarantulas, hamsters, household birds (cockatiels, finches, parrots), fish, rabbits, pigs... I feel like I'm missing something... oh right, of course. Ferrets and mice. We dont have all of these animals at the moment, but we do have a few dogs and cats, fish, a variety of birds, and a horse and llama. Goats will be returning to us in the near future, and possibly a hog.
6. Books. I grew up with my nose in a book. I dreamed of owning my own library, with every book I could ever want. I don't actually own a library, but the next best thing. Over three full bookshelves stacked with incredible books. And not just the science fiction and fantasy that I love so much, but also children's books, do-it-yourself books, dictionaries, books to learn foreign languages, non-fiction resource books that teach us about our hobbies and helpful skills (including skinning and tanning, wildlife survival guides, how to build a computer, the inner workings of a truck engine, and even math courses!). And aren't I the lucky one; my husband is constantly buying me more books, and he knows exactly the kind of books to buy me! I might just own a small library one day... possibly a full wall of nothing but books!
7. Video Games. When I was younger, I got hooked on video games (much like most kids of today). They were a huge part of my childhood; some of my favorite memories were of playing games, or watching others play, on the older systems. So I wanted to keep games in my life, no matter what. When I got married, my husband helped me start a collection of nearly every game system created (we're missing PS3, PSP, and the odd ones like Commodore 64). We also have an extensive game collection, and we settle down in the evenings with a computer game that we play online together. It means a lot to me that video games are still in my life, and that its something I can share with my hubby.
8. Travel. I always wanted to go all over the world. I really just wanted to be able to say I've been to all 50 states and went out of the country at some point. My husband loves to go camping and sight-seeing, and he has a job that pays well enough to support this hobby. So we plan a trip each year to stay at different national or state parks across the country, and we hope that one day we can even travel Europe.
9. Collections and hobbies. I was a pretty boring kid, honestly. I didn't really have anything I did or collected, I wasn't involved in after-school programs or clubs. I hoped that one day I would collect something, or have some interesting hobby or skill that I could be proud of. Well, I collect my video game systems, and I have actually acquired a few skills that I never would have imagined myself getting into. I knit and crochet, and I skin and tan animal furs. And I'm proud of everything I make.
10. Real friends. Naturally, growing up and moving around a lot, I went through a lot of friends. I got really good at learning how to make quick friends, but bad at learning how to make long-lasting friendships. And of course you get into high school and all the drama that goes with it. I just wanted to have one friend... just one... that I could turn to no matter what, and know that they would be there for me for years to come, and that I could be there for as well. Life gave me this in more ways than I could ask for when I met my husband, and again with each child I had. In addition to the friendship and bond I have with my family, I have four friends that I have to give a special "shout out" to at this point, because they are exactly what I wanted when I dreamed of having "real" friends.
Well, here's to hoping plenty more of my childhood dreams come true one day. Where is my dream house, with the secret room behind the moving bookshelf, and the indoor pool with a secret underwater passageway that comes up in my secret room?! And candy dispensers on the wall by the pool table, with a Jukebox?! ...maybe I'll have better luck on the childhood dream to learn Italian. ;)
1. Motherhood. Just to be a mommy. I used to watch my mom (and later, my stepmom as well) taking care of my younger siblings, and it just looked so much fun to get to feed a baby, and change them, and dress them, and play with them, and push them around in a stroller, and... well, you see where I'm going with this. I have two beautiful boys, and although its not all fun-and-games the way I had imagined (how did I ever WANT to change a diaper?!) motherhood is the most rewarding thing I've ever had, and I am so proud to be a mommy.
2. Love. I wanted to meet someone and have that "love at first sight." I wanted someone to love me, despite my flaws. I wanted to get married and start a life together with the man of my dreams. And I got it all. I met my husband, and fell in love with him the moment I laid eyes on him. He loves me, and doesn't even see the "flaws" I claim to have. We have been married for six years (this April).
3. Stay-at-home career. Most kids dream of not having to work at all. Just being rich and staying home all the time. I dreamed about staying home, but only because I wanted to be just like my mothers were. I wanted to be a stay at home mom and housewife. It's an under-appreciated career field, and monetarily it's also an underpaid one, but from a sentimental standpoint, it's the best job available. I get to have my house exactly the way I want it, I get to raise my kids myself and not have to worry about what goes on in a daycare, and -- best of all -- I'm the boss! I get paid in dirty diapers, toys underfoot, DVDs strewn across the living room, clean dishes back in the sink, dog food in my cup of tea, and twenty dollars worth of missing pacifiers that couldn't be found with an entire search party. Yet somehow, I can honestly tell you that this is the most rewarding job in the world, and I love it.
4. Living in the Country. I grew up in a city life. Not the kind of big-time city, with skyscrapers and close-knit apartment buildings and taxis everywhere, but the kind with neighborhoods and 600-student high school graduating classes, where the most exotic pet was a gecko, or the chickens the neighbor kept in his yard. I wanted wide open spaces, with green fields, farm animals, tractors, dirt roads, and people on horseback. Life threw me right into the arms of a country cowboy, and we're 30 minutes from the nearest Wal-Mart or McDonald's, living off a gravel road with wide open spaces, complete with natural wildlife. It's beautiful.
5. Animals. I loved thinking about having all sorts of random animals. I wanted a monkey, a milk cow, a cockatoo, a horse... I'm sure there were some other exotic animals I wanted as well. I haven't had a monkey (and I doubt I ever will), but a cockatoo has been considered as an animal we would like to have one day, when the kids are a bit older. Apart from that, we have had it all. Goats, pheasants, peacocks, guineas, chickens, cows, horses, a llama, dogs, cats, lizards, tarantulas, hamsters, household birds (cockatiels, finches, parrots), fish, rabbits, pigs... I feel like I'm missing something... oh right, of course. Ferrets and mice. We dont have all of these animals at the moment, but we do have a few dogs and cats, fish, a variety of birds, and a horse and llama. Goats will be returning to us in the near future, and possibly a hog.
6. Books. I grew up with my nose in a book. I dreamed of owning my own library, with every book I could ever want. I don't actually own a library, but the next best thing. Over three full bookshelves stacked with incredible books. And not just the science fiction and fantasy that I love so much, but also children's books, do-it-yourself books, dictionaries, books to learn foreign languages, non-fiction resource books that teach us about our hobbies and helpful skills (including skinning and tanning, wildlife survival guides, how to build a computer, the inner workings of a truck engine, and even math courses!). And aren't I the lucky one; my husband is constantly buying me more books, and he knows exactly the kind of books to buy me! I might just own a small library one day... possibly a full wall of nothing but books!
7. Video Games. When I was younger, I got hooked on video games (much like most kids of today). They were a huge part of my childhood; some of my favorite memories were of playing games, or watching others play, on the older systems. So I wanted to keep games in my life, no matter what. When I got married, my husband helped me start a collection of nearly every game system created (we're missing PS3, PSP, and the odd ones like Commodore 64). We also have an extensive game collection, and we settle down in the evenings with a computer game that we play online together. It means a lot to me that video games are still in my life, and that its something I can share with my hubby.
8. Travel. I always wanted to go all over the world. I really just wanted to be able to say I've been to all 50 states and went out of the country at some point. My husband loves to go camping and sight-seeing, and he has a job that pays well enough to support this hobby. So we plan a trip each year to stay at different national or state parks across the country, and we hope that one day we can even travel Europe.
9. Collections and hobbies. I was a pretty boring kid, honestly. I didn't really have anything I did or collected, I wasn't involved in after-school programs or clubs. I hoped that one day I would collect something, or have some interesting hobby or skill that I could be proud of. Well, I collect my video game systems, and I have actually acquired a few skills that I never would have imagined myself getting into. I knit and crochet, and I skin and tan animal furs. And I'm proud of everything I make.
10. Real friends. Naturally, growing up and moving around a lot, I went through a lot of friends. I got really good at learning how to make quick friends, but bad at learning how to make long-lasting friendships. And of course you get into high school and all the drama that goes with it. I just wanted to have one friend... just one... that I could turn to no matter what, and know that they would be there for me for years to come, and that I could be there for as well. Life gave me this in more ways than I could ask for when I met my husband, and again with each child I had. In addition to the friendship and bond I have with my family, I have four friends that I have to give a special "shout out" to at this point, because they are exactly what I wanted when I dreamed of having "real" friends.
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| Shannon: She has been in my life since Kindergarten, when our mothers used to take us to school together. We lost track of each other when we moved, and were reunited in High School. We may not live in the same state, or even in the same time zone, but I know that she will be in my life for the rest of it. She's my forever friend. =) |
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| Terry: We grew up together, thanks to our dads. I swear he is the guy version of me exactly; our ipods even match up, down to almost every odd, off-the-wall abnormal song. He's been one of the few people I could trust with just about anything, no matter how stupid or weak it made me seem. |
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| Dustin: We might not have known each other very long, but he's such an amazing friend. I met him on the internet, playing World of Warcraft, and he hangs out with me and the hubby quite often. He's very protective, like the older brother I never had (even though I'm actually a few years older than him!). |
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| Chris: He's my husband's best friend, and I've known him for four years now, long enough that he has become one of my best friends as well. He's "Uncle Chris" to the kids, and one of the few people I really trust. |
Well, here's to hoping plenty more of my childhood dreams come true one day. Where is my dream house, with the secret room behind the moving bookshelf, and the indoor pool with a secret underwater passageway that comes up in my secret room?! And candy dispensers on the wall by the pool table, with a Jukebox?! ...maybe I'll have better luck on the childhood dream to learn Italian. ;)
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