Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. It's also a horrifying thing. It's exciting and scary. It's joyful and depressing. It's more irony than anything, although you don't always think about that when you are experiencing it.
My cousin recently found out that she is pregnant with her second child. It's a blessed thing, from a motherly point of view. From the viewpoint of a woman herself, it's a slight let-down, especially if your children are close in age. That means a much longer period of time that you have to watch what you put in your body, monitor the amount of physical activity you do and make sure you don't overstress yourself. It might have a happy ending, and it might have good points along the way, but when you have already been through pregnancy once, finding out you are pregnant again only forces you to take a good long look down the road ahead, and see all the bad experiences you will be forced to relive over the next 40 weeks.
I went through something very close to what my cousin is. I can honestly say, "I feel your pain." I went through 38 weeks of pregnancy with my first son, a full year of breastfeeding (which keeps you under many of the same restrictions as pregnancy, in terms of what you put in your body), then within 2 months of weening my son I discovered I was pregnant again. My second pregnancy lasted just over 39 weeks, and I breastfed him for 4 months. (As much as I was glad to be free of the "pregnancy restrictions", I was disappointed that he didn't seem to take to breastfeeding the way his older brother had.) All in all, I was under the "pregnancy restrictions," as I put it, for roughly 36 months... that's 3 entire years. Three years of feeling as if I was pregnant. There are plenty of women out there who know all too well what that feels like, and the mix of emotions that accompany those years.
Well, my cousin and I were having a discussion on facebook about all of this. The emotions you have when you are pregnant, especially after just having a child less than a year ago. The conversation turned to how pregnancy was designed "to make you hate life and love it sporadically at the same time." And in many ways, that is completely true. As I started to think about it, and type my response, I thought that perhaps I should be posting my opinion in my blog rather than just as a comment to a facebook post. Everyone has their own views on this, but here's mine. It's basically the same thing I posted in the comment, just modified slightly and elaborated upon.
I don't think pregnancy was really designed with our emotions in mind.
I think it was designed specifically knowing that our bodies had the knowledge, power, and sheer force of will to act as a workshop, to craft new life. Sure, it has it's side effects... some good, some bad. When you are pregnant, you have great hair; thick and full and shiny-- and easier to fall into your face and end up getting splattered with vomit during a bout of morning sickness. You have bad teeth; easily susceptible to cavities and sensitive gums that are more likely to bleed-- of course, that's not too bad considering you barely eat in the first trimester anyways (once again thanks to nausea). You have a gorgeous glow that seems to surround you for the entire pregnancy-- and yet a huge protruding stomach, forcing you out of your normal clothing and into "stretchy" or "flowing" outfits, making you feel much less "beautiful" as everyone tells you that you are.
Our emotions are what get in the way of pregnancy being as beautiful of a thing as it's supposed to be. It's all about NEW LIFE. A child exists in this world because of you; and that child would not exist if it wasn't for your body doing something absolutely incredible, creating a miracle, doing something that only a woman can ever experience.
It's so overwhelming, that once again emotions could not have been planned on when we were given the ability to reproduce. I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to go through it twice, and I hope I have the chance to have at least one more child... but I'm not looking forward to it at all. But hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. I just want to take some time to myself, enjoy my Coca-Cola every morning with breakfast, and revel in my vacation from pregnancy. (Maybe take a few minutes of each day to laugh at my cousin? Hehe. Only because I've been there... I wouldn't laugh if I hadn't already served my time being pregnant. And my cousin knows how much I love her, anyways.)
No matter what pregnancy was made for, or what factors nature took into account when we were given the ability, it's worth it in the end. Even when it drives you insane and keeps you up all night, half-asleep on the bathroom floor, it's worth it. And despite all the downfalls, I do look forward to going through it once more; because when I walk down that road again, it will be for the last time. =)
No comments:
Post a Comment