Come on Guests, Don't Regress (A Recap on Rules)

As some of you may recall, I wrote a post in May of last year describing the Top Ten house rules I had for guests. You can find that post here if you would like to read it, and this post will offer a quick recap of those rules as well.

It has been over a year, and the same three friends still come out every weekend and frequently throughout the week. Those Top Ten rules have not changed. It seemed as if everyone was finally learning to pick up after themselves... I had less to clean each Monday morning: fewer bottle caps found in corners of the rooms, less bottles (empty or full) left out on side tables, less trash around the house, almost no cigarette butts outside, and much less to complain about.

I don't know what has changed. It's almost as if everyone thinks that since I'm happy, they can start slacking up. I've found more to clean lately, messes that are neither mine nor my husband's (and certainly not my children's!) and I am beginning to get irritated again. I even found two bottle caps between the cushions of my couch! That is just pushing me too far.

So, here's a quick refresher course on my house rules. Remember them well.

1. Pick up your cans, bottles, bottle caps, can tabs, bottle tops, and cups. If it's trash, throw it away. If it's reuseable, put it in the sink. I don't want to see a single one left out, with the exception of whatever you are holding in your hand at that point in time.
2. If you stay the night, make the bed. Fold the blankets. Put pillows back. When I wake up, I don't want to see any sign that you had slept over at all.
3. If you're shooting guns, any weapon not currently in your hand or within your immediate reach should be unloaded and stored in the gun cabinet. ALL ammo is to be locked in the ammo box or put in your trucks. I need not explain the importance of this one... you love my kids almost as much as I do, and I know you want to keep their environment safe.
4. All smoking is done outdoors. ANY AND ALL CIGARETTE FILTERS ARE TO BE PUT IN THE METAL BUCKET I KEEP ON THE FRONT PORCH. I can not emphasize enough just how sick I am of getting on my hands and knees combing through the yard to ensure I got them all. I don't care where you are standing when your cigarette is done, or how far you are from the porch. If you aren't going to walk to the bucket to throw it away, then you can just eat the damn thing, or not smoke at all. And if you see one on the ground, whether it is yours or not, pick it up and toss it in the bucket. Because if I find one more, THERE WILL BE NO MORE SMOKING ON MY PROPERTY. PERIOD.
5. Keep the volume down at night. I have a hard enough time getting the kids to sleep, let's not wake them back up, okay?
6. Trash, dishes, tools, games, construction parts, pipes, chemicals, I don't care what it is, just pick up after yourselves! Either that, or I expect you to pay me $50/week as a cleaning fee. You can decide which you'd prefer.
7. Make sure that I know if you're coming out, and how long you're staying. My husband isn't the one who has to cook and clean and play hostess-- I am. So if you're going to be hungry later, and you'll be here during the time I'll be serving dinner, I better have known that before I began cooking.
8. If something you want is the last of it's kind, ask before taking it. It's just considerate.
9. Take. Empty. Boxes. Out. Of. The. Fridge. I am so sick of saying it, and I had to do this again myself just the other day. If you take the last can/bottle from a box, remove the box!
10. I have been very patient with you guys, and have tried talking to you nicely and reminding you to do your part. But I'm getting tired of being nice. If I have to yell at you for your blatant disregard towards any of the above rules, don't get mad at me for it. Because I've told you endless times to clean up after yourselves.

No more excuses people. This is the millionth time I've asked for the simple courtesy that any guest ought to show their host, and the second time now that I've had to write it down in a blog post for you. I swear if I have to remind you guys again, I will start limiting--or banning altogether-- alcohol consumption or smoking priveledges on this property. No one will eat without bringing their own food, nor will they drink without bringing their own beverages. I will begin charging a "couch rental fee" for anyone who decides to sleep over, and everyone will tote around their own personal trash can to keep from littering INSIDE my house.


I am not your wife. I am not your mother. I am not your girlfriend. I am not your maid. Until I see flowers every week, or start getting a paycheck, you can grow up and start taking responsibility for your actions. Clean up after yourself like your parents taught you. Treat my home the way you would treat your mother's. With love and care, and a healthy respect and fear for my wrath should you leave my house in disarray. AGAIN.