My Game, My Life, My Drug: World of Warcraft

I play World of Warcraft too much.

It's no secret. When I get up in the morning, I think about WoW. While I'm getting ready for the day, changing and dressing the kids, making them breakfast... I think about WoW. When I'm forced to get off the computer and do something in real life, or go to town, I plan out what I will do next time I get on WoW.

I want to get on the game first thing every morning... but I can't. It wouldn't be fair, with my husband getting up early each day and spending all those hours at work. So I suffer. And that's exactly what it feels like to me. Like I'm suffering.

I want to play. I want to be in the game, soaring above the clouds in my druid's flight form, cascading down to pick herbs for alchemy, fighting my way through a difficult raid with my friends, or questing for achievements and titles. I want to lose myself in the game, not worrying about real life issues but instead concerning myself with which guildmates are geared enough for Dragon Soul, or if this boss is going to drop that rare mount I've been searching for. It's not healthy, I know. But I can't help it. I'm addicted.

I drag myself through my chores each day, washing dishes and hanging laundry. I quickly pick up the house and sweep, in an effort to reduce the time until my fingers can be at home on my keyboard, typing messages in chat and pressing hotkeys for attacks.

When I see the time roll around that my husband should be getting off work, I jump in excitement, because that means my work day is over too, right?! I log onto my game and suddenly everything is right in the world, because I'm back where I belong. My friends are already online waiting for me, and they want to hang out.

But then I'm brought back to reality. Hubby might be home, but my work day is far from over. The kids still need dinner. Laundry isn't finished, and "it's not healthy to sit inside all day staring at a computer screen." Tea needs to be made, kids need to be cleaned and changed, hubby needs dinner too. Trash in the living room needs to be picked up (whether or not I put it there) and there are more dishes now. The animals need to be fed and watered and the garden needs to be checked on to see if it needs watering, too.

I'm neglecting my real life, I know I am. I'm neglecting myself and who I am, and what I need as a human being, because I just want to be in this game. But how could something that offers me so much be so bad for me? When I'm happy, I want to play my game. I'm in a good mood, I want to hang out with my friends and play the game. I perform better as a healer when I'm in a good mood anyways. When I'm sad, I want to play the game. I want to delve into a project in-game and forget my sadness. When I'm angry, I want to play my game. I want to get on and kill things and relieve stress and anger. When I'm feeling alone, I want to play the game. I want to see my friends and talk to them and hang out and be social. You can say they aren't real people all you want, but even though I've never met them we have Facebook and Mumble and we talk and text and we know each other enough now that I can say that my friends are real. Maybe they aren't real to you, but you don't know them like I do. They are real people too. Maybe they don't live close enough to visit, but does it matter where someone lives? It doesn't make them any less real just because we can't hang out in person. When I feel like my life has no meaning, that I'm not making a difference in the world, I want to play my game. Here, I can rack up achievement points and show off all that I have accomplished in-game. I have pets, mounts, toys, and titles that make other players jealous. Someone needs a healer? Great! I'm a healer. It's so nice to feel needed, and when you have a reputation as being a good healer, you feel wanted as well.

I know. I already said it. I play too much.

It's hard to think that someone could rely on a video game this much. It's so similar to a drug addict who needs their fix. This game is my drug. And I just can't stop. It's getting to a point where soon I will have to choose between things in real life, or this game. It shouldn't be a hard decision. But more and more, I would rather be in the game than in the real world. My real life isn't so bad that I should have to run from it. So why the addiction? I honestly don't know.

...Could I live without World of Warcraft? My mind is telling me "of course, it's just a game." But my heart is screaming at me not to stop, please don't stop, there's still so much I need to do in this game! All my friends are here! I belong here!!!

It's wrong. I know it is. It's not right, and it's not healthy, and it's ruining so many things in real life.

But could I honestly live without it?