Emotions, and Asking for Help with Them

Everyone, at some point or another, finds themselves on hard times. The emotions that are triggered by such hardships, regardless of what trouble you are having, can be difficult to handle. Sometimes it is all overwhelming, and sometimes it can be very scary. It can be hard to express those emotions to other people, and often times you feel guilty for even having those emotions in the first place. You might feel like you need someone to talk to, and can't find the courage to bring it up, even to your closest friends and loved ones. You are afraid that they will think less of you somehow; that your feelings and emotions will be looked down on or thought of as wrong, and that they will treat you differently, as if you are broken or unfit for your place in life.

It doesn't matter how big or small the troubles are. What matters is that they are important to you, they are affecting you, and no matter what anyone else thinks, they are YOUR problems, and anyone who cares about you should be supportive of your emotional turmoil even if the issue doesn't seem like much to them.

Everyone needs someone they can talk to. Keeping such emotions inside and trying to bury them or distract yourself from them, rather than address them, will always end badly. But we don't always feel like we have someone we can talk to.Sometimes we don't know how to talk to people we care about, or we want them to think everything is fine, or we don't want them to worry. Sometimes we are scared of what they will think. But there are people out there whose job is to listen-- to help.

It can be hard to ask for help.

As a matter of fact, it can be hard to admit that you need help at all. I know, because I have been struggling with my emotions for far too long now. I'm not sure when exactly they started really affecting me, but I know that I have been having mood swings that can go from one extreme to another in a matter of seconds. I can't find motivation to do anything, even get out of bed most mornings. I am always looking for a distraction from sadness or anger. I find myself moping about, procrastinating with simple chores like dishes or laundry. The smallest things can make me cry off and on for hours, even something as harmless as a sappy commercial. I crave adult interaction, yet when someone new is brought to the house and I have a chance at making a friend, I shut down and start looking for reasons not to like them. I know I need to get out of this house, but even with a new truck in the driveway I hate the idea of going anywhere. All of my emotions are conflicting, and none of them seem to make sense or have good reasons for existing.

I have tried many "home remedies" to set myself back on track. I have tried cutting out internet (my main distraction), I have tried setting up a workout regime (hoping weight loss could motivate me or at least lift my self esteem), I have tried using a chart system to teach myself good habits and get myself on a steady routine. All excellent ideas, but none of them worked. I do like the chart system though, and I think I will try to pick that back up soon.

One of my biggest problems is that I know I need help. I know it. It's obvious, not just to me but to those around me. I have already stood up and said, out loud,

"I need help."

But there is a big step in between admitting you need help and reaching out for it. I have been crying to my husband for too long, and although he is supportive of me and doing what he can to make things easier on me, there is really nothing he can do. I need help beyond his areas of expertise (which in this subject is little to none as it is) and I know I'm starting to sound repetitive. It's time to stand up and reach for the help I want, the professional help that I NEED.

What scares me the most is that it's a complete stranger. I know nothing about this person, and they are about to know everything about me. It shouldn't matter, specifically BECAUSE they are a stranger. What can I say, I fear the unknown. I don't want someone hearing me talk and deciding that I'm crazy. No one wants to hear that something is wrong with them. No one wants to hear that they need a prescription to be "normal." But, on the other hand, no one wants to live like this. With the constant ups and downs, never knowing what kind of mental roller coaster you are going to take each day.

So, today, I finally did it. I took that step, and I reached out for help. I found a nice little building in town, that accepts our insurance plan, with a variety of men and women psychiatrists that specialize in different areas of expertise, especially the types of mood and behavioral issues I am having, and I found one that I liked. I set an appointment for 2 weeks from now.

I'm not telling you all this so I can put my business out there, but so people know that if you are having trouble, there are people that can help. And even if you are afraid, you can do it. If I can do it, trust me, you can do it.

I'm scared. I don't know what will happen, or what advice I will be given, or anything. I just don't know. But I'm hopeful. I'm looking forward to actually wanting to get out of bed in the morning, to having energy, and to getting things done. I'm looking forward to stopping the mood swings and the random bouts of crying. I need this. And I'm not afraid to say it anymore. I need help.