Dear Life

Dear Life,

You are the reason I hate roller coasters. I know that the longer it takes to go up, the farther and steeper the fall. I can't stay on this ride... My sanity and mental well-being are hanging in the balance. I need to stay up for a while, and I'm not talking about balancing the high wire. I'm talking about sure footing on steady ground.

I can tell myself that I have dropped all drama out of my life, but you know as well as I do that those words are hollow. I can never truly be done with it so long as I'm at war with myself.

A person can only claim to "start over" so many times, and you are the only life I have been given. So like it or not, I am going to work with you. It is time we stopped with the what-ifs and let go of what we can't change. It is time to start changing everything we can, because how can you be happy knowing that i'm settling for you? I don't want to settle anyways. I can't keep putting happiness aside for when everything is right in the world; that day may never come. Then I will have only succeeded in wasting you.

I am going to start fixing things. If I have to tear the old down completely and rebuild, then that is what I will do. I'm tired of wasting my time wondering when the next crash will be and who it will hurt.

You will hurt me no more. I will show you your true meaning. And you know this to be true; because no matter what you do, I am stubborn and will not give up on you.

I can fix this.

Love always, no matter how much you fight me or try to bring me down,

Crystal