Another year is about to pass. It's usually around this time that I start thinking about a resolution.
Most New Year's resolutions are either impractical, or reach too high to ever succeed. I always look to set a goal that will benefit me in more ways than one, and often times goals that will benefit others. This year, I will be selfish... I strive to make myself a better person. I want to use the knowledge of my past to put life lessons into practice. I want to make drastic changes that are gradual enough to achieve. I want those I care about--and who care about me--to know that I have heard them; that their advice and compliments and deep conversations were not lost on me.
To achieve these ends I shall declare three resolutions in lieu of one. One goal for my body physically, to become healthier and more active. One goal for my heart emotionally, to regain precious self esteem and confidence. One goal for my mind spiritually, to expand my knowledge and fill a void.
1. Physically. My goal here is in two parts... to drink a glass of water every day, and to perform some measure of exercise each day. This can be for 5 minutes or an hour, however much I feel like that day. Every small bit is a step more than I otherwise would have taken, which benefits me in the end. Naturally, I hope to lose weight and fit back into a smaller size, but the goal is health, and any weight loss is just a bonus.
2. Emotionally. At least once a week, I will look into a mirror and remember what has been told to me over the years--the compliments and arguements for my self worth. Each time I do this, I will write one down and reflect on it, and try to see what they see. Then I will link them together and hang them somewhere I can see them every day. I need to learn to look past the flaws they never saw, through the scars they couldn't see, and accept myself for who I am... love myself for who I am.
There are a few specific people throughout my life who have inspired this goal, whose love fought against my strong-willed doubt. I dont want that to have been in vain. Two of these people I have lost this year; the boy who gave me the world, and the man who made me feel like I was the only person in his world. They showed me I am special, and I am beautiful, and I am not worthless. That I was thought of every day, that someone can get lost in my smile (and tell the difference in my smiles), that talking to me can make someone's day better, and even that in their eyes, hey, One Direction wrote a song about me.
My hubby has been trying to get me to see these things for years. After this long, its about time I give myself a real chance to accept these things.
3. Spiritually. Throughout the year, I want to study Wicca and complete my study of the Major Arcana in my Tarot deck. I have never allowed myself to connect to anything or anyone on a spiritual level, but I have noticed that when I study my cards, I feel calm and hopeful. Spirituality is an area in my mind that I have avoided, but I'm reaching the age where I no longer care what people think about my choice of Faith, and I will walk any path along which I am comfortable. Wicca is the closest to my personal beliefs, and I am interested in furthering my understanding of Wiccan ways.
If I can follow these three goals throughout the year, my hope is that I will be healthier, I will accept myself, and I will have something to help guide me. Only one of these will change my daily habits--and that is the exercise. Granted, the water is daily as well, but getting a drink each day is already habit... I simply must make the choice to drink water. Even if I fall behind a bit, as long as I do my best, I will still be on the right path. ♥
I think for number two, for your emotional goal, when you look in the mirror you should also tell yourself, out loud, that you love yourself. Hearing it out loud can be a powerful thing, especially in your own voice if it's not something you remind yourself of often.
ReplyDeleteI guarantee you that every person that loves you wants you to see yourself the way they see you. And I guarantee you that when you really learn to love yourself, that you will start to accept that you are worth the love that everyone is giving you.
One last thing, don't ever take your loved ones for granted. Make every moment with them count. I also lost a loved one this year before I found your blog, before your post that reminded me to appreciate the little things in life. My only regret is that the last time I saw them I assumed it wouldn't be the last time, so I didn't get to say goodbye and let them know how much I loved them before they were gone.