Ten Things I Do That I Wish I Didn't

10.  I have hour-long conversations with myself, imagining that I'm saying all this to someone else. I lack the courage to express my opinion to the people I imagine that I am saying it to. Then again, sometimes the right thing to do is to not do anything at all.

9.  I take the easy way out every time it's available, rather than the better way that might not even take thirty seconds longer. For example, I'll grab a Coca Cola can out of the back fridge, because it's easier than getting down a cup from the cupboard, getting ice, and pouring a glass of tea or water. Thirty seconds longer, and I'm too lazy to do even that.

8.  I use the excuse, "There just isn't time." My time is my own, and I do with it what I want. Clearly my priorities are in serious need of straightening out if I have time to play a computer game for hours, but don't have time to sweep the house or work out.

7.  I procrastinate. Badly. I've always had this problem, and it will probably be one of the last personal issues I ever solve. Oh, the irony. [insert mildly amused chuckle here]

6.  I wash the same load of laundry three times in four days before it ever reaches the dryer, and it sits in the dryer for a full day, too. I want to tell you it's because there just isn't time, but honestly I'm procrastinating (and I'm lazy; those two go pretty much hand in hand).

5.  I'm addicted to a computer game. I *would* blame the developers for making a game that appeals to (and entraps) those of us with OCD and perfectionist complexes, but then again, no one forces me to play. The game is the reason that the dishes don't get done until dinner is cooking ("I'm in the kitchen anyways..."), cups and plates are becoming a staple on my computer desk ("It won't hurt to relax and eat lunch with a bit of gaming, right?"), and my elliptical is gathering dust ("Eh, I'll work out once I complete this next quest.").

4.  I put off on talking to family. In all definitions of the word, this falls right under Procrastination--with a capital P--but it belongs in its own category. I can't even express to you in proper sentences just how much I miss my family, and wish they lived closer. I think I put off on talking to them because 1: I have nothing exciting to talk about, and 2: I'm afraid that if I hear their voices, it'll make me cry. I can't stand to think of how much of our lives are passing us by while we are apart; do they even remember me? Love me still?

3.  I have a logical explanation for everything. More often than not, my logic and emotions collide. I need to learn to let go of my logic from time to time and just feel. I'm allowed to feel an emotion, even if it doesn't make sense. Logic may be comforting, but it's also blocking me from having a full emotional healing process.

2.  I imagine scenes in my book without writing them down. Note to Self: Damn it woman, if you are going to write a book, you have to actually RECORD your thoughts and ideas! Otherwise you lose them!

1.  I hate myself. Don't we all though, to an extent? This is probably the biggest issue I've struggled with. I don't take care of myself, and I compare myself to people who I consider to appear better off than I am. Which of course is depressing. It's hard to compare yourself to yourself, and take pride in your achieved goals and accomplishments.