Top Ten: What I Hated About My Son's Snake Bite

Friday afternoon, my son got bit by a Copperhead. I am currently working on a post for Wednesday that will tell the full story: what happened, how we handled it, and the hospital stay. Until then, I will give you a basic storyline. My son tripped over a hole, and there was a medium-grown Copperhead snake inside that bit my 2 year old on the inside of his left big toe. We rushed him to the hospital, where he spent the weekend moving from Pediatric ER, to Pediatric ICU, then finally to just plain Pediatric patient. He came home Monday morning, thank God, but the entire weekend had me on an emotional roller coaster, and I hated a lot of things. This Top Ten practically wrote itself; this is the Top Ten things I hated the most about my son getting bit by a Copperhead.

1. My Son Got Bit By a Copperhead. Just the simple fact that he got bit is one of the things I hated most. It caused all sorts of trouble, money, emotions, and just hassle. Not to mention the fact that it has caused me to hate more than enough things to write a Top Ten about it.

2. Fear. I was terrified. I didn't know what to expect, how long I had to get him to a hospital before bad effects began to take place, what bad effects were going to take place at all, any measures I could take to help out while getting him to the hospital... I was afraid I would mess up. I was afraid I wouldnt get there in time. I was afraid I would get pulled over going 80 MPH on a 60 MPH highway. I was worried about what the doctors were going to have to do to save my son, and I was out of my mind afraid that he wasn't going to survive. (I have since learned that the odds of him not making it were significantly low, the circumstances would have had to been extreme. But at the time, I didn't know that.)

3. Always Snake-Conscious. Since the biting occured, I have been on my toes everywhere I walk. When I get out of my car, I open the door and look down before stepping out of it. When walking outside, I take 5 steps, then check the surrounding area for snakes, before taking another 5 steps. I wont step into a room until I've leaned in and flipped on the light, then I scan every inch of the floor, and slowly look up to the counters and above me before walking in too fast or too far. I am afraid to turn the light off in the bathroom, and at night I leave a lamp on so I can see if there is a snake before I step out of bed, and I am constantly waking up and checking that there is no snakes in my baby's bed with him. I know I am being a bit ridiculous; I mean, there is no reason to think that just because we have an incident with one snake that there is suddenly going to be an outbreak of them (it's not a real-life "snakes on a plane" or anything). I am just being paranoid. And I hate it.

4. Regrets/Self-Hatred. Since the moment I laid eyes on the snake in the hole, and realized that my son had in fact been bit, I have been beating myself up over all the things I could have done differently, and each decision I made personally that could have prevented this from happening. A few of these include the fact that he didn't have his shoes on; I should have made sure to put them on him before he ever stepped out the door. We should have come in the back door instead of walking all the way around the house to the front door where the snake was resting; I am a very lazy person... what inspired me to follow when he began to turn towards the longer walk to the front of the house? I should have did what I would normally have done, which is tell him we were going in the back door, and he would have turned around and not ever been near the snake. I should have checked the area before he stopped to play around there; I always check the bird cages and surrounding pens where I think a snake could be, so that I can feed and water while he plays without worrying about him constantly. But this time, I didnt. I have been told from the beginning that there is nothing I could have done differently, and that these things just happen. It's not my fault, and I should just be glad that reacted so well and so quickly. Except, I dont feel like I did a very good job. No matter what, I still feel responsible for this, and for all the pain and suffering through the hospital stay that my son had to endure, all because I made the wrong choices that morning.

5. Wasted Weekend. I think I hate myself more than anything for this one... I hate that my son was stuck in the hospital, and I had the thought that this was such a waste of a good weekend. I had wanted to hang out with a friend, I wanted to spend time with my husband before he has to go upstate for a few weeks for work, I had wanted to see a movie, and I had wanted to play on the computer for a while. I hated that I had to drive 40 minutes every day from the house to the hospital and back again, and I hated being stuck in the hospital room (of course, when they told us that my youngest couldn't be there for more than 30 minutes at a time, it made me hate that I COULDNT be in the hospital room...) and it made me hate that my husband and son were stuck there all weekend. Instead of worrying about who was stuck where, I should have been focused entirely on my son's well being. I hate when I feel selfish.

6. When My Son Cries. I absolutely hate seeing my son upset. Hearing him cry when he got bit, seeing the pain in his eyes as he screamed while I drove towards the hospital... feeling his discomfort while I held him until the Ambulance met us halfway, and seeing how scared and hurt he looked while sitting in the hospital bed being swarmed by doctors and nurses. Every wince he made was a piece of my heart breaking; every tear he shed was my heart bleeding. I never wanted him to feel pain like that; I hate that he had to go through it. I would take a million snake bites from the most dangerous of snakes before I ever wanted my son to even get bit by even a harmless chicken snake.

7. Not Being There. Because there are sick children in the Pediatric ICU, the hospital had a strict "no other children" policy which basically stated that no other children under the age of 14 can visit without parental supervision, and no very young children (such as infants) could be there for more than 30 minutes at a time. And since I'm breastfeeding Levi, that means that I couldnt stay the night in the hospital without him, so Mike had to be the one to stay there with David. I was able to pump enough milk for a few feedings during the days, which got me about 9 hours each both Saturday and SUnday to spend with my baby boy in the hospital room. But as a mother, I felt as if I was letting him down and hurting his feels because I couldn't be there with him overnight. I was so glad that Mike stayed with him, because I did not want a single minute to go by without someone in the room that David knew and loved. I felt that without me being there, he would be upset. But no, he's turning into a daddy's boy. Which turned out pretty well, since he got some quality bonding time with his daddy.

8. Snakes. Okay, this one should be obvious. I mean, they bite... and some of them (*cough*copperheads*cough*) are poisonous... We have a lot of chicken snakes out here, but they arent poisonous or anything. They just get into our chicken coops and eat the eggs. They are nothing to worry about or be afraid of, and if they happen to bite you, oh well. You'll get over it. But after this, I dont want to see another snake. I dont want to see SINGS of another snake. I dont even want to hear the WORD snake!


9. Pediatric ICU. I hated being in the Pediatric ICU. First of all, because whenever you hear the term "Intensive Care Unit" you think of someone dying or terminally ill or something. It is such a serious place to be. As we were walking down the hall moving my son to his room in the unit, I took in all the sights and sounds around me, and it just about broke my heart. You could hear young children crying. You could see parents and nurses crowded around child-sized hospital beds. Children with oxygen masks, some that looked like they had bandages in various places. An empty room with a few balloons in a corner... I didnt want to be there; I didnt want my son to be there; I didnt want to think about the other parents with children there; and I certainly didnt want to think about those poor children. As bad as a snake bite is, I am so thankful that that was all it was for us. It would kill me to have had my son stay in that unit for any extended period of time (beyond just the weekend).

10. That Sad Feeling. The feeling of helplessness when you know that you dont have the skills to make your baby feel better. The worry you feel when you hand your baby to the doctors and pray they are good at their job. The sadness you feel when you see your 2 year old hooked up to IV's and oxygen, with a purple swollen foot. The guilt you feel that he should be there at all. It's just all heartbreaking, and I pray to never feel it again.

Dont worry though. He's all better now :)