The Wait Is Almost Over

It's almost time. I'm at the end of my pregnancy, one way or another. I am 39 weeks along, and no longer remember what it feels like not being pregnant. Of course, that isn't just because of this pregnancy. That is also because I was pregnant with my first son, breastfed for a year (under most of the same restrictions of a pregnancy--no alcohol, careful of the pain medications I take and when I take them), and then not 2 months after breastfeeding was finally over did I find myself pregnant again with this child. I am very glad to be having another baby, and so close in age to my first (not to mention another boy!) but being pregnant in general is only a joyous feeling for so long before it drags out into the longest, most inconvenient and uncomfortable time of your life.

Knowing that it's almost over, I'm sure you can imagine how long these past weeks have felt for me. Soon I can start getting back my pre-pregnancy body, I can stop feeling as if Alien is trying to bust out of my stomach, and I can stop freaking out about when I'm going to go into labor and how I'll know for sure that it's time to go to the hospital. But the last month is the worst, because you KNOW it's almost over, and you get SO impatient.

Two weeks ago, I went to a doctors appointment and was told that I was dilated to between 1 to 2 cm, but my cervix was still thick and long. My doctor said that I would not be going past my due date, and most likely would have the baby long before that day arrived anyways. I almost felt as if my body had betrayed me, because I hadn't felt any pain with my contractions and was given no sign at all that dilation was beginning. It felt to me as if I wasn't in control, and I was beginning to fear that if I didn't even know I was dilating, I wouldn't know when I was in labor. A meaningless fear of course, since when labor truly sets in, you know it's time. But later that week, I began to get pain with my contractions, and started noticing all the signs of pre-labor: Cramps, lower back pain, a warm feeling in my abdomen, "nesting" syndrome with periods of extreme fatigue, etc. I literally felt as if the baby was going to come any day, and each day I grew anxious and frustrated that labor hadn't yet set in.

One week ago, I went to another doctors appointment and was told that I was still only dilated to between 1 to 2 cm, and although my cervix was showing some signs of effacement, it was still not even 25%. Very little progress after a week with all those pre-labor symptoms... I just couldn't believe that I still wasn't ready to have the baby. The doctor once again said that I wouldn't pass my due date of April 30th, and that there was a good chance I may go into labor over the next week. The symptoms continued, and this time I felt as if I just KNEW that I was going to have the baby that week. And yet, the days crept by with the only changes being more pain during contractions, and a feeling of pressure on my cervix that I hoped was the baby trying to come out.

Two days ago, I had yet another doctors appointment and this time progress showed. I was dilated to between 2 and 3 cm, and my cervix was at least 50% effaced. My doctor said that since I was almost 39 weeks along and my cervix was so favorable, I should be looking for the signs of labor any day now. However, just in case I still hadn't had the baby by next Friday, April 29th, I was scheduled to come in that morning at 6am to be induced and get things moving. Although I was told it is highly unlikely that I would reach that far. I have been so anxious and so frustrated and impatient these last weeks, and constantly being told that it's only a little farther, any day now... I know I should be excited with the knowledge that either way, I AM having this baby by next Friday. But after all this waiting, I'm just too tired to get worked up about it any more. I think right now I feel more... resigned. The only real energy I can seem to muster towards excitement at all is when I have a contraction... although they aren't anywhere near close enough to consider being in labor, they are painful enough to remind me of what I have left to look forward to. Labor and delivery.

Well, I'm not even ABOUT to go into that one right now. I dont want to imagine how my labor is going to be, I just want to hurry up and get into it so I can get it over with and stop this waiting game. No matter what, I have only to wait (at the most) a week. The wait is almost over.