They say it takes a village to raise a child. Well, it doesn't... but there's a reason they say that. Because being a parent is hard work. It takes an immense amount of love, and no small degree of patience, understanding, discipline, teamwork, and care. The attention and focus that a child requires can take a lot out of a person--or a village--but the rewards make it all worth it in the end. The love they give back to you, the knowledge that they exist and are flourishing because of you, and the laughter and joy that fills your hallways as they learn and grow.
That being said, this has been a very hard year for a few parents and parents-to-be that I know. The trials and tribulations that come with parenthood (even ones that aren't typical) are out in full force this year. I myself haven't had time to blog until now because in January I found out that I am pregnant with my third child (and it's a girl!). This pregnancy has been extremely trying, with many symptoms that are new or enhanced compared to my previous pregnancies with the boys. There has been an increase in morning sickness and vomiting (which still happens now in my 5th month), raging hormones that cycle through increased sex drive, lack of sex drive, increased irritability, lack of brain cells, short attention span, breakouts across my face that are reminiscent of high school days, drained energy, cravings to cook (but not cravings to eat) and a whole lot of energy bursts followed by intense fatigue.
All of that makes it a bit more difficult to give my boys the attention they deserve, and a village would be a nice aid right about now. But the boys do seem to understand that "mommy is sick because she has a baby sister in her tummy" and they are more than willing to help out (even if I have to go behind them and do it again, it's the thought that counts and I love that they want to help). October can't get here fast enough; I can't wait to meet my baby girl and stop all the nausea and hormonal waves.
My friend is starting her own village this year, so to speak. I can't even word just how proud and honored I am to have her as a friend for the journey she is taking. She is going through the classes and programs required to adopt a child. There are so many children out there who will never know what it is like to have parents, to feel truly wanted. It's heartbreaking, and with my pregnancy emotions I really have to fight thinking about it right now or else I'll break down crying. There are also so many couples out there who dream about having children, about starting a family, who have their hopes and dreams slashed when they discover they cannot have children of their own. It makes me want to rethink every complaint I have about pregnancy symptoms simply because--whether good or bad--she can't go through them. But this is my journey, and she will have her own emotions and experiences that I will never have, so I think in the end we are even.
I do want to say though... the child that will one day call my friend his/her mother is very lucky indeed, and will have a wonderful and happy life.
Another friend of mine is going through much less rewarding troubles with her children. Or rather, with the government in regards to her children. It's situations like this that should remind us just why we DON'T utilize an entire village to raise a child. Because no two people have the same exact view on raising a child, and villagers would be at each others' throats arguing the right methods of discipline (both positive and negative methods). The government has their own twisted sense of what is proper, with no distinguishing between right and wrong. They also seem to have an entire branch of government filled with people who do not have children of their own, telling people how to raise their children, and if they don't do it the exact way "suggested" they remove the children from the home without a second thought.
Here's a thought: why investigate a good home with good parents, when there are so many obviously bad homes out there? Where is CPS for the woman with 15 kids by different fathers who says that she is not responsible for her own children?
Sorry, I got a bit opinionated there. Blame it on the hormones, okay? Or the less-than-adequate city they live in. Blame that, too.
Anyways, as I was saying. My friend is going through some trouble with CPS. I won't give names or specifics, but the basics are that her kids' principal decided to call CPS to investigate their home for domestic violence when her son went to school with a swollen eye. The school didn't seem to know the difference between an allergy and a punch in the face. Even after a doctor signed a note saying that it might be a bug bite and prescribed Benadryl (which took the swelling down) CPS still decided that either my friend's children needed to be removed from the home, or my friend's fiance needed to vacate the property and cut all contact with the kids until otherwise stated by the agency. They willingly chose the second option, to keep the kids at home. Granted, he is not their biological father. But he has done more for those kids and loves them more deeply than their father ever has, and this has torn his heart into pieces not being able to see them.
The word "might" has never angered me more than it did the day this all happened; I was with them the entire weekend beforehand and saw the bug bite on his eyelid myself. It is a clearly visible bite, and the fact that the school nurse "didn't see it" makes me question the credentials required for the position. The idea that the teachers at the school told the children to say "daddy hits me" angers me even further. What right do they have to interfere in someone elses' life when they don't have any idea what goes on off school property? There are people in this world that should not be allowed around children, that much is for sure, but my friend is not one of those people. Nor her fiance. They run a clean and happy household, the children are well fed, have a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, and toys in their rooms. They go to school, they have friends. The house is drug free, abuse free, and family oriented. I will never understand why the case has been drawn out as long as it has (it's only been about 2 weeks, but that in itself is 2 weeks too long).
There is some sort of a meeting tomorrow, and I get to attend. I really hope this will all be over with in the morning, because those kids miss their daddy so much. Honestly I want to see the government pay for therapy for the whole family after putting them through all of this for no reason. Taking someone's kids away from them without reason is probably the hardest and most emotionally traumatizing thing a person can go through. I can't even imagine.
It doesn't take a village to raise a child. It takes a willing heart. All the trials we go through as parents, and to become parents, we do out of love. May the rest of the year be better for us all.
