So... I used to want to be a writer. I started writing novels... never got very far, but I always planned them out well and had some great ideas. I always figured it would never work out, though. See, I have this problem where I don't like using certain words because of how they sound; the way they feel rolling off my tongue... just isnt natural. That "thesaurus block" in my head is what stopped me from writing all those years ago, and what led me to discard being a writer as a future career path.
But lately something's been getting to me. I met this amazing girl, Bree. She's one of my best friends, and she has a hobby. Writing.
This may be one of our bonding hobbies, as friends, because of my passion for the written language. For the vivid images that come to mind when you read the right words describing something. For the fantastical, the magical, the mystery that comes to life out of a book. I have been missing that in my life, I think, and now that Bree has opened me back up to that world... I'm starting to want to write again.
I started this blog just to vent. To talk about life, things that happen to me, to people I know... to talk about all the bad things and the reasons they shouldn't matter; to talk about all the good things and how lucky I am to have known them. After meeting Bree, I started another blog just for the two of us. A 'friends only' blog, for us to just be ourselves and write stuff. And now... I'm going to start yet another blog. This one... will take me back.
I'm going to start another story. It's been so long since I've written anything... I'm not sure I remember how it goes. But watching Bree write her fanfic--it reminds me that it's easy. Just write what you think, what you feel. I used to be confident in my writings. Why have I lost that confidence?
No matter. I will get it back. And I will write again.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Friends are like Hersheys
~ Hey there blog! It's been a while, hasn't it? Well, I can tell you EXACTLY what happened between us, why I drifted away. You see, I got world of warcraft back and...
Wait! Where are you going? I know, I said the the "w" world. But it's not that bad, it's down today for maintenance, so I thought we could catch up? ...no, no, you're not a backup plan! I really do miss you, blog! ~
So I'm sitting here at my computer... eating a melting Hershey's bar and contemplating life. I have a lot of new friends since I started playing WoW again. More specifically, since I joined my guild, The Chosen One. The people I have met are just amazing. Some of them aren't quite 18 yet, which is sad because they are awesome (some of them seem mature for their age) and some of them are way over 18 (and seem to still be mature for THEIR age as well). I get along so well with everyone. Everyone that sees I'm online says hi, asks how I'm doing, wants to add me to their group. Everyone wants my help, my advice-- my "expertise" if you will. And when I log on for the day, I look to see who's on. I notice my friends, I say hi to them. I ask how they are doing, if anyone wants to be in a group with me. I ask for help and advice as well. It's a great balance, everyone is very friendly and willing to lend a hand to a fellow guild member, and it's especially nice to see our guild reaching out to help others who are NOT in the guild. But that's just how a good guild works. That's not even what I'm here to talk about.
I was thinking about friends. All the new friends I've made online, and how strange that is. Everyone who has ever known me knows that I get along better with the guys than the girls. I'm just not a "girlie girl" and I dont want to be (usually). I admit there are times when hanging out with other girls is awesome, but more often than not, over time, those girls start to piss me off. I dont understand girls, which is mind-blowing in itself, since I AM a girl. The only time I get along with girls is one on one, and when I find a girl that I really fit with, we are best friends FOREVER. I have only found 3 of those kinds of girls in my LIFE. But ironically, online, most of my friends are girls. Why is it that I get along better with girls ONLINE but not in person? I guess it's easier to be friends with a night elf.
And the guys I get along best with? They're all like, 16 or 17. Why is it that I have more in common with a 16 year old BOY than I do with the 20, 30, and 40 year old guys? Is it because being a gamer chick makes me immature, and that's just the mental level I'm stuck on? Is it because my brother is a gamer and I miss my brother, so I subconsciously hang out with these guys to find some sort of connection with my brother? Or is because the teen boys these days all play Guitar Hero, X Box 360, WoW, pretty much all the video games I like, they play actual guitar, stay up all night on the computer, joke around the same way I do (saying things like "ur a loser haha" and knowing that I dont mean it), and just hang out the way I do?
My friends in real life are almost non existent. I had a few in Florida before I left for the Navy, but after High School, everyone goes off and gets a life. So most of those people (most if not all) drift away and you never see or hear from them again. I had a few friends in the Navy too, but once everyone gets stationed in opposite corners of the world, or gets discharged, it's very hard to stay in touch. Here in Texas, I dont know ANYONE. I mean, my hubby has a few friends, and they come out to the house a few times a year. And of course I get along with them, and they might consider me a friend. But I can't just call them up and say "hey, lets hang out". And it's a 40 minute drive to the nearest "hang out spot" which for me would be Books a Millon or Barnes and Noble. You don't meet too many people like me in the middle of the country. I am still friends with a few of the people I have known throughout my life, but since none of them are HERE, I don't think of them as "real life" friends. They have become online friends as well, which leaves me with... zero friends.
So I'm sitting here at my computer... eating a melting Hershey's bar and contemplating life. I start to think how alike friends and Hershey's really are. Much like a Hershey's bar, you can't let a friendship get too hot. Otherwise, it melts and you are left with a big sticky mess that gets all over the place, and it just doesnt taste as good when its not so solid. You dont even want to touch it anymore, just knowing how hard it's going to be to handle it like that, makes you wish you went with something that couldnt melt. Like broccoli. Also much like a Hershey's bar, you can't let a friendship get too cold either. Toss one in the freezer, then try to eat it. You could chip a tooth on that rock! Well, pretty close anyways. It takes longer to melt in your mouth, and isnt that one of the great parts of Hershey's? The rich creamy taste that just melts when you eat it? It's an amazing feeling that you just can't have if it's frozen solid. With Hershey's, you have to take care of it, keep it at the right temperature, dont squish it, keep it away from dogs and children, and dont let it spoil your meal either, but you want it to be perfect when you enjoy it. I mean you REALLY want to get the most out of your Hershey bar, and it just seems so hard these days to keep it right. I mean you could just eat it the moment you pick it up, but dont you want to have it for when you need it? You dont want to rush these things. Just like friends. But if friends are like Hershey's, how come all I get is to look at the Hershey's online? Why can't I have any in real life?
I just dont understand how I can be so social and yet so alone. My hubby doesnt quite understand my social needs, or why I feel the NEED to have friends. I can't explain it. All I know is that sometimes, you want a Hershey's bar. And you dont want to melt it, you dont want to freeze it, you just want a nice, perfect Hershey's bar to enjoy on your own time. Why can't I have that?
Wait! Where are you going? I know, I said the the "w" world. But it's not that bad, it's down today for maintenance, so I thought we could catch up? ...no, no, you're not a backup plan! I really do miss you, blog! ~
So I'm sitting here at my computer... eating a melting Hershey's bar and contemplating life. I have a lot of new friends since I started playing WoW again. More specifically, since I joined my guild, The Chosen One
I was thinking about friends. All the new friends I've made online, and how strange that is. Everyone who has ever known me knows that I get along better with the guys than the girls. I'm just not a "girlie girl" and I dont want to be (usually). I admit there are times when hanging out with other girls is awesome, but more often than not, over time, those girls start to piss me off. I dont understand girls, which is mind-blowing in itself, since I AM a girl. The only time I get along with girls is one on one, and when I find a girl that I really fit with, we are best friends FOREVER. I have only found 3 of those kinds of girls in my LIFE. But ironically, online, most of my friends are girls. Why is it that I get along better with girls ONLINE but not in person? I guess it's easier to be friends with a night elf.
And the guys I get along best with? They're all like, 16 or 17. Why is it that I have more in common with a 16 year old BOY than I do with the 20, 30, and 40 year old guys? Is it because being a gamer chick makes me immature, and that's just the mental level I'm stuck on? Is it because my brother is a gamer and I miss my brother, so I subconsciously hang out with these guys to find some sort of connection with my brother? Or is because the teen boys these days all play Guitar Hero, X Box 360, WoW, pretty much all the video games I like, they play actual guitar, stay up all night on the computer, joke around the same way I do (saying things like "ur a loser haha" and knowing that I dont mean it), and just hang out the way I do?
My friends in real life are almost non existent. I had a few in Florida before I left for the Navy, but after High School, everyone goes off and gets a life. So most of those people (most if not all) drift away and you never see or hear from them again. I had a few friends in the Navy too, but once everyone gets stationed in opposite corners of the world, or gets discharged, it's very hard to stay in touch. Here in Texas, I dont know ANYONE. I mean, my hubby has a few friends, and they come out to the house a few times a year. And of course I get along with them, and they might consider me a friend. But I can't just call them up and say "hey, lets hang out". And it's a 40 minute drive to the nearest "hang out spot" which for me would be Books a Millon or Barnes and Noble. You don't meet too many people like me in the middle of the country. I am still friends with a few of the people I have known throughout my life, but since none of them are HERE, I don't think of them as "real life" friends. They have become online friends as well, which leaves me with... zero friends.
So I'm sitting here at my computer... eating a melting Hershey's bar and contemplating life. I start to think how alike friends and Hershey's really are. Much like a Hershey's bar, you can't let a friendship get too hot. Otherwise, it melts and you are left with a big sticky mess that gets all over the place, and it just doesnt taste as good when its not so solid. You dont even want to touch it anymore, just knowing how hard it's going to be to handle it like that, makes you wish you went with something that couldnt melt. Like broccoli. Also much like a Hershey's bar, you can't let a friendship get too cold either. Toss one in the freezer, then try to eat it. You could chip a tooth on that rock! Well, pretty close anyways. It takes longer to melt in your mouth, and isnt that one of the great parts of Hershey's? The rich creamy taste that just melts when you eat it? It's an amazing feeling that you just can't have if it's frozen solid. With Hershey's, you have to take care of it, keep it at the right temperature, dont squish it, keep it away from dogs and children, and dont let it spoil your meal either, but you want it to be perfect when you enjoy it. I mean you REALLY want to get the most out of your Hershey bar, and it just seems so hard these days to keep it right. I mean you could just eat it the moment you pick it up, but dont you want to have it for when you need it? You dont want to rush these things. Just like friends. But if friends are like Hershey's, how come all I get is to look at the Hershey's online? Why can't I have any in real life?
I just dont understand how I can be so social and yet so alone. My hubby doesnt quite understand my social needs, or why I feel the NEED to have friends. I can't explain it. All I know is that sometimes, you want a Hershey's bar. And you dont want to melt it, you dont want to freeze it, you just want a nice, perfect Hershey's bar to enjoy on your own time. Why can't I have that?
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